hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
