Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
