Betty ford says i'm here all night
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
