for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
These tits shall not be calmed
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
