I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
