We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
