Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
