So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
