Screwed.edu
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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