Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
