just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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