My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
we're making bets on your personal life
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
