I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
