Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
