I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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