This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
