Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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