There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I am never drinking with the goths again.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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