I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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