Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
