I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
