i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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