Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
