wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
