this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
