Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Randomize
