An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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