OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
