they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
