I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
