Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I will pee on everything he values.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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