Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
