How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
