im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
