why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
