The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
