Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
This is the high leading the old right now
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
