I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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