Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
soo... how was my night?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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