I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
