he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
