I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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