she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
