Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
