Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
