Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
