I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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