A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
