Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
