Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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