I wannas sexs uuuuu
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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